This morning Addy made a comment about how small our camper was. How in the world would a 5 year old know if a camper is small or big??? Because she hears her parents say it!! She wasn't happy that we even had a camper, she was complaining how it wasn't big enough. It broke my heart and made me realize I am not doing a very good job teaching my children what is important.
A friend of mine posted a link on her facebook page that caught my attention. I have been reflecting a lot on our lives since school started this week and I now have two in elementary. This is exactly what I needed to be reminded of as we go back to school and see all the other families in their daily routines.
http://lovingmylot.com/2013/08/23/mom-vs-mom-the-war-i-didnt-see-coming/
I think we are all guilty on some degree of comparing ourselves to others. Or comparing other people to our lives. It's so easy to judge other people when you are on the outside. I am not a judgmental person and never have been. I think everyone has their own story, their own troubles and their own successes. What may work for one family may not work for another family. All children are different. All moms are different. It's sad to see other people judging others when I am not a judgmental person. I have stood up to friends many times who talk about others they don't even know. Until you walk in someone else's shoes - it's just best to keep your mouth shut.
I think as a mom we are more critical of ourselves. We compare our parenting to other mom's parenting. I am guilty of it for sure. Now that my girls are getting older, I am more confident in how I parent Alysse. I've had so many people judge me for nursing so long, holding my baby too much, letting the baby (and both older girls) sleep in the bed with me, letting my girls drink too much juice, or eating food out of my mouth that I chewed up b/c Alysse can't chew hard things yet. It used to bother me b/c I just didn't understand WHY people were so critical. Why does it matter to them? Now I just smile b/c I know the things I do are what is best for me and my children. And most of the time people are critical b/c they have their own insecurities. Talking about people make them feel better about themselves. I have said over and over, my house might not be as clean as my friend Roni's, my food might not taste as good as my friend Rachels, and I might not be as crafty as my friend Kathryn, but I am the mom I am and know how to be, and I LOVE my children. I feel like I am a good mom to them. I provide my children with the gifts God gave me to be a mom. I am not perfect and I make many mistakes. But I do my best and show them LOVE the best way I know how.
Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in seeing the fortunes of others and comparing our lives to theirs. Especially in the neighborhood we live in. We live in the cheapest section so 99% of the houses are bigger, newer and nicer than ours. It's easy to want that. But at the end of the day, I am soooo proud of what we have. I have to stop and thank God for all our blessings. Our house might not be exactly what we want. Our yard might not be as big enough. The bathroom might be too loud. The living room small. The bedrooms upstairs when we want them down. But you know what? It's what we have and I'm PROUD of it. When Mark and I first met, he was living in a hotel room and his clothes were in trash bags. I lived with my mom. We had NOTHING. We were lucky enough to buy a home right after we got married. It was small but we loved it at first b/c it was OURS and we were just proud of owning a home. We ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (which I hate), ramin noodles and beans b/c we didn't have enough money for anything else. Mark went back to school and got his degree and it was tough in the beginning. We had $20,000 in credit card debt!!!! Not to mention 2 school loans, 2 car notes and a mortgage. But we worked hard at our jobs, budgeted our money and paid off most of our debt. We have no more credit cards!! All we have now is one car note and a mortgage. We were able to buy a house in a great neighborhood with nice neighbors and a great school. Our kids are able to ride their bikes and go on walks. Mark is able to do carpentry b/c the entire garage is his, just for that. And he's sooooo good at it!!! Now I am able to stay home which I thought I would NEVER be able to do! So when I wish I had other people's fortunes, or when other people critique what we have or don't have... I have to remind myself and others that what we have is great and perfect for us. Someone else will always have more than us, but you know what? We have more than a lot of other people and I am soooo grateful for that.
The most important lesson in all this is to teach our children to appreciate things - appreciate what they have. If they hear us complain about our house, they will complain too. If we complain that our camper is too small, they will too. Come on...We paid cash for a camper!!! We should just be grateful we were able to do that. If they see us praising God and feeling blessed for what we have, they will do just that too. It's soooo important to teach them to be happy with what they have so they aren't always focusing on what they DON'T have. When their friends have a huge playset... I don't want them to focus on the fact what we don't have one - I want them to look at the bright side and say "we don't have one but that's ok b/c we live right across the street from a park where we can go all the time and meet new friends." I feel like there is so much negativity in the world, so many negative influences that try to bring us down. Instead of being happy for us, they focus on what is wrong with what we have. Then we start questioning what is wrong with what we have and then WE get insecure. The fact is, we ARE happy with what we have and proud of what we've made as a family. We worked our tails off getting here, but we did it and it's made us that much stronger.
All the material "Stuff" isn't what will make us happy. We tried that along the way and realized it's only a temporary fix. What makes us happy is being together as a family - laughing, loving and supporting each other, sharing our lives with each other, being proud of each other - that's what makes us happy. You can put someone on 20 acres of land and a 5000 sq ft house... that doesn't mean they will be happy. They will certainly look good on the outside, but they can be lonelier than someone in a 1500 sq ft house and a small lot.
So thank you, Karla for your facebook post. You put things in perspective and helped me to stop focusing on what is wrong in our life, and start feeling blessed for what IS right in our life! The cup is definitely half full.
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