I started reading a book a few weeks ago and since I rarely have time to read, I'm only 33% of the way through (at least that's what Kindle tells me). It's called "Feathers From My Nest" and it is so good. Rachel always gives me good books to read that apply to my life. I cry at almost every chapter but then I realize that I'm not too late. It's basically written by a mom (Beth Moore) about her two daughters that have just moved away to college. She is reflecting back on their lives as children up to where they are now.
When I look back, I realize how different things are with just one child, two children, and three children. It's soooo different each time. With one, it's easy being a good mom b/c all your focus is on that one child. It's hard b/c you have no idea what you are doing, but you only have to figure it out with one and they get ALL the attention. Two is a little harder b/c you have to divide your time. But you have the other one to help keep the first one company. It's hard in the beginning but once you learn your routine it's just a balancing act. Three - it's a whole new ball game. It's a juggling act. It's HARD to be a consistently good mom. I haven't figured out how to be a good mom to all three at the same time. But I think I'm getting closer to figuring it out.
The book has made me slow down a little bit and ENJOY them. I find myself struggling to keep my head above water and many days I feel accomplished just to get Avery and Addy out the door, fully clothed and fed. We almost always forget SOMETHING everyday - whether it's snack, jacket, or books. Just when I think I finally have it all together, I do something really dumb like show up to read to Addy's class, only for the teacher to inform me that I was actually supposed to read the Friday before. OMG! I promised another mom I would switch days with her and guess what?? We both showed up on the same day. Thankfully the teacher is incredible and offered to let us both read - but the other mom opted out and I got to read alone.
I also find myself rushing to do everything, worried about everything and frantically trying to keep it all together. There's usually three talking to me at once, demanding my attention all at the same time. Mark has given up trying to compete b/c when all three girls are around it's nuts. It's "mommy mommy mommy" from three different directions and they won't stop trying to get my attention until they actually get it. all of it. So needless to say it's complete chaos half the time and I end up getting frustrated b/c everyone is interupting each other and no one hears anything anyone else is saying. I have become angry, exhausted and overwhelmed. I don't like that person at all.
I realize that I am missing out on so much. I stopped one day last week and reflected and it made me very sad. I got into a bad habit of saying "no" to EVERYTHING. For no other reason except I didn't have time to do whatever it was that I was being asked to do. I was either making dinner, doing laundry, cleaning the house or just flat out losing my mind. Then I felt guilty for not spending enough quality time with the girls. I'm always barking orders, saying things 6-7 times over and over like a broken record or picking up right behind everyone b/c after telling them 10 times it still didn't get done. In the big scheme of things, do those things really matter? I mean, yes we have to eat and we all need clean clothes, but is it so important I can't stop for one minute and "enjoy" what is right in front of me? I ended up going into the girls room several nights a week after they went to sleep and just kissed them and watched them sleep. I felt bad for not being a "good" mom and having fun WITH them. I vowed not to be stressed and overwhelmed anymore... only to do it all over again the next day like a viscous cycle. How in the world would I ever get it all together???? And even more, how would I ever go back to work and handle that on top of everything else????
Reading the book, although she never said to do this, made me stop living in panic and start living in the moment. When my three girls go away to college, I am going to miss them so much. I would rather look back and laugh and say "man my house was a disaster but I really enjoyed my girls" than to say "I missed out on so much b/c I was worried about the little things."
I'm constantly worrying about what to make for dinner. Mark is super particular and it takes a lot to make him happy at dinner time (although he tries to deny it, when I point everything out he agrees to all the things that stress me out). I found myself stressing so much over it, that I started dinner during the day just to have it ready. Then when that didn't work I found myself not interacting with the girls b/c "Mommy had to make dinner." They would say over and over, "mommy can you help me with my homework" only to have me tell them to wait, getting frustrated that they would even ask while trying to make food to feed everyone. Then getting overwhelmed again b/c I had Alysse tugging at my legs the entire time I tried to cook. I ended u resenting everyone b/c I was so stressed out and Mark most of all b/c he wasn't in there saving the day.
Yesterday was different. The girls got home and I had intended on making leftovers. We goofed around a bit after school, went through backpacks and just acted plain silly on the rug. Only to my surprise when I went to heat up leftover to find that Mark had taken them to work. Oops. So instead of stressing, I just threw something together. I didn't really care if anyone liked it. They either ate it or they didn't. There's always going to be SOMEONE complaining how they don't like dinner. Everyone ended up eating it though! Girls got their homework done really early and we all just played around. It was FUN!
I know we need boundaries and the girls need to learn respect. But I think I got caught up too much in maintaining it all that I lost sight of what was important. For example, Avery always loves to make up games. I usually let her do her thing but put limitations on it - like not printing anything b/c it will use up all the ink, not using the computer b/c she had been on it too much, or only having 15 minutes to work on it b/c she needed to clean her room. Yesterday was different. She told me Sunday that she had this great idea for a game that she wanted to do. Instead of listening to her talk while doing something else (which I have become really guilty of), I stopped what I was doing, looked her in the eye and gave her my full attention. The excitement and wonder in her eyes was priceless. She went on and on about how she would do it and the ways that I could help her make it happen. She was so excited when I told her "let's do it!" Avery is very "nerdy" in that she likes creating games, doing math, reading and playing dr or school. It isn't going to last forever so I need to put myself in the middle of it all and enjoy it right there with her.
Addy loves playing with dolls, polly pockets, legos, barbies, etc. She always asks me to play but again I'm doing the mommy task of dishes, dinner or laundry. Sure I help her every night with homework, I hold her from the minute she walks in the door (until my mommy task comes up) and I talk to her about her day while doing my tasks. I am usually doing something else when spending time with her so she doesn't get my undivided attention. It's sad actually.
During the day is the same way with Alysse. We are usually running errands so the baby is in the car many times during the week. I started feeling really guilty about not having her in school b/c I felt like she was missing out. Then I realized that I can totally give her the things she would get out of school, minus the social interaction of an entire class. I looked up some ideas online and started spending QUALITY time with Alysse during the day. We read books, play with rice, swing on the swing, play with bubbles and learn different things like colors or body parts. Just b/c I didn't do that with Avery and Addy b/c they were in school and were taught by their teachers, doesn't mean I can't look for ways to do it with Alysse. I must admit I have REALLY enjoyed her the last few weeks and I am starting to get sad about going back to work in the fall!!!
I have three of the most amazing girls in the world (as any mom would say about their own children). They all bring unique qualities to life and when I sit back and just watch, I learn so much. It makes me a better person, and a better mom. I hope that by the time they go off to college, I can teach them all the right things so I feel confident they can make the right decisions on their own. Raising children is soooo hard. It's very rewarding though and I am so blessed to have these three.
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